For something that appears so very simple on the surface, consent carries a lot of emotional and political baggage.  Who can consent? What is consent? How old do you have to be to consent?

For years rape prevention advocates have operated with a "No means No" model of consent, which struggled to educate men and women that once someone says "No," it's over.  However far along in the sexual process you are, once the "No" comes out, that's it. Full stop.  Finis.

There is a problem with this concept and it's provided hundreds, if not thousands, of date rapists a loophole.  "S/he didn't say No."  The reasons for the lack of "No" can be many and varied.  The person in question may be passing out drunk, drugged, terrified, the subject of implied force, blackmailed into sex... 

However, rape prevention advocates have adopted a new standard of consent:  "Yes means Yes."  Yes means Yes calls for a new standard of "Enthusiastic Consent."  And by enthusiastic consent, we mean that your partner demonstrates a desire to engage in sexual activity with you, not "Well s/he didn't say no." 

Think about it, is there any other area of law in which the lack of negation is considered consent?  No.  If you're staying with a friend, and they "borrow" your car without your knowledge and you report it stolen, are they going to get off charges by telling the cops, "Well, they didn't tell me I couldn't take it?"

Another common analogy for rape is the burglary analogy saying that if you don't lock your doors, who can blame a thief for stealing your stuff?

Well, you can, for starters.  Because even if you left your doors wide open, if you get robbed the police will still investigate that robbery.  If they catch the thief they will still arrest and prosecute them.  What they won't do is ask you if you're sure you want to ruin that nice young man's life.  I mean, it was just a laptop, flat screen tv and irreplaceable family heirlooms.  

Yes means Yes seeks to put rape on the same footing, consent-wise, as other crimes.  Your stockbroker can't email you asking if he should liquidate a big chunk of your assets, and write himself a big commission check in the process, and if he doesn't hear from you he'll assume the answer is yes.  No, he'd be arrested for theft.

Now, I truly hate the "monetary" value analogies for rape, but those seem to be the ones that resonate with rape apologists.   But here's a better one:

If you go into the doctor's and agree to one surgery, after they knock you out, unless they discover a life-threatening will kill you RIGHT NOW condition, they can't just tack on another procedure and claim, "Well, we asked and she didn't say no."  There has to be evidence of your consent in the form of contracts signed while you were awake and in control of your faculties. 

As to who can consent:  You cannot consent legally if you are drunk or drugged.  You cannot consent legally if you are under the legal age.  You cannot consent legally if you are mentally impaired through injury or congenital condition that hinders your ability to understand what is going on and appreciate the consequences of your actions.  

Also remember, that consenting to go to dinner with someone does not mean you consent to sex with them, neither does drinking with them, seeing a movie with them, or accepting a ride from them. 

-Valerie