I know several married couples who either have open relationships or practice polyamory, and I just have to ask, why? Or more to the point, why get married if you're going to keep sleeping with other people?
-Caren in Seattle
First, I'd like to begin by explaining the difference between an Open Relationship and a Polyamorous one.
In an Open Relationship, the people involved, usually a couple, are interested in dating and/or having sex with people outside of the Primary Relationship with one another. Frequently there are no expectations of forming a more permanent union. Sometimes this changes over time, and they may find themselves moving into a more permanent relationship, but it doesn't have to.
Polyamorous folks (and realize these are my opinions formed from my experiences, others are free to disagree) have more of a tendency to form lasting bonds with more than one partner, often forming more or less permanent family groupings. Polyamorous people may begin by seeing potential partners in an Open Relationship sort of atmosphere, some date people with the ultimate goal of finding other people to incorporate into their family/relationship group.
Now, on to the original and somewhat more difficult question: Why? Why get married, which in this culture is traditionally a monogamous relationship formed by two people, if you're just going to sleep with other people and bring them into your marriage?
Alas, I have no good answer for you. There are a million theories about the motivations for this ranging from biological imperatives to psychological issues. But the simple answer is, no one really knows why some people do well, and even flourish in an Open or Polyamorous Relationship. I can only speak for myself and Mr. Strangiato when I say that we just like the occasional variety. We enjoy sleeping with people other than each other from time to time. Currently, we have an awesome girlfriend we've been seeing for several months now, who has been very patient with the Summer O'Doom.
There is one answer I will tell you is a load of hogwash though. Don't ever let anyone tell you that the reason they are Polyamorous is that they are more "evolved." They aren't. Particularly when you take into account that for the majority of human history, and in many cultures still existant today, Polyamory or Plural Marriages have been the norm.
But my answer is really, some people are just wired that way. That's what feels good and right to them. And quite frankly, its no one's business but their own.
