I've often wondered, in a Poly relationship, if one set of partners just can't continue to get along and need to break up, what happens to the other relationships within the group? Does the whole thing just implode? Do the others who still love the person leaving just have to suck it up and lose them too? There must be other options.
Sincerely,
-SMM
Honestly, there are as many ways for Poly relationships to break up as there are Poly relationships. So, the quick answer is no, the whole thing does not have to just implode, and the others who love the person do not have to just suck it up and lose them, too.
However, as with every other situation in life, the more people involved the more complicated it becomes. It depends on many factors, including the people involved and why the break up occurred in the first place. What is causing the friction between the two who aren't getting along? It also depends on the sort of arrangement you have. Are you all having one big relationship with everyone involved with everyone, or are you involved in a sort of matrix of relationships with each partnering, as one example, linked to the others through one partner rather than both? Also, how passionately do the two instigating the break up feel that they just can't get along? Do they get on each other's nerves, or did someone cross a serious boundary? Did that person know it was a boundary? How good are the communication skills of everyone involved?
As you can see, this isn't an easy question to answer. The best advice I can give you, if the rest of you really do miss the person who is leaving, is for ALL of you sit down together and talk civilly about what the problems are and if there are any solutions. No yelling, no recriminations. If this just isn't possible due to the behavior of one or the other of the break-up kids, well, all I can tell you is think long and hard about who you side with, because there will be repercussions. And beware the one who declares ultimatums.
I hope this is in some degree helpful, but really, without knowing the specifics and the people involved (and even then I'd hesitate) I just don't know what else to say. You can probably, if you research online support groups for Polyamory, find a Poly-friendly relationship counselor somewhere in or near your area who might be able to offer more insight into a specific situation.
