Hi, woman with a problem here. Sorry, yet another anal question:
I know a lot of people enjoy it, my partner is definitely an ass man, but no matter how much lube goes on, it's damn painful, and my masochistic streak only goes so far. Is this normal? What does one do to make this an enjoyable experience?
Thanks.
-Buggerphobic
Not everyone enjoys anal sex, and that goes for gay/bi men as well as women. And if you've had an experience, as many have, of someone attempting "SURPRISE BUTTSECKS!!"* it makes it that much more difficult to relax into enjoying the experience. And you do have to relax. When you're bracing against anticipated pain, it's a self-fulfilling prophecy: It will hurt.
Bearing in mind that it really isn't unusual to not enjoy anal sex, with what are you attempting this first penetration? Leaping straight to penile penetration is rarely a good idea, as far as I'm concerned.
Use gloves and a water-based lube, lots of it, and just let him play around the outside for awhile first. There's no need to go straight to penetration. Gentle rubbing on the outside can be very stimulating. When you get used to having someone touching your ass on the outside, then begin experimenting with insertion. Maybe start with fingertips, and after you get comfortable with that, move on to a plug.
As in my previous post on butt plugs, I recommend:
One of the reasons I like the Ripple plug so much is that the shape has those automatic "stops" built in to it. And the tip on the small one isn't much bigger than Mr. Strangiato's fingertip.
Also, remember, there is no such thing as going too slow, either. Seriously. You may feel like you're moving on a geologic scale, and that's ok. Do not attempt this when you're pressed for time or going to be rushed. Anal sex with beginners is not a recommended activity for a quickie.
After you master one size of plug, move up to the next. When you can accommodate something the approximate size of your partner's penis, THEN give it a try. Build up to it gradually.
Sites like http://www.Babeland.com and http://www.extremerestraints.com have how to books, videos and articles for reference. Remember, if something they, or I, suggest doesn't feel quite right, like the angle, try modifying it slightly.
However, when all is said and done, you may well follow all of my advice, get the plugs, take it slow, use so much lube you're surprised you haven't spontaneously created a water slide in your bed, and STILL not like it. Don't feel bad. It just isn't for you, that's all.
Good luck with your experimentation!
*If someone wanted to create a "No Surprise Buttsecks!" LOLCAT for me, I would be eternally grateful and highly entertained.
