For the last couple of years, I've been doing the Alternate Lifestyles/Adult panels at a local Science Fiction Convention, and two years ago, this question came up in the BDSM 101 panel. 

Is it possible to be a Sub without limits?

The girl who asked it prefaced it with, "I KNOW you'll just tell me what EVERYONE ELSE tells me (said with much eye-rolling), but isn't it possible to be a Sub without limits?"

Quick answer: No.

Now, some background before I explain myself.

In BDSM relationships it is VERY, VERY, VERY, VERY IMPORTANT to discuss Boundaries and Limits with your partners. And Subs are not the only ones who have Boundaries and Limits. It is completely reasonable for a Top to also have things they don't like or won't do.

Now, lets discuss the difference. As Mr. Strangiato puts it, "A Boundary is something you're not really comfortable with, but you'd be ok with trying it. A Limit is 'Don't fucking pee on me.'"

A Boundary, as we define it, is something you aren't particularly comfortable with but the whole idea of it doesn't give you full-body shudders. It's something that you aren't into, but you could compromise on the subject with someone. Maybe it's something you've never tried, or maybe you have tried it and just weren't all that excited by it, or it did nothing for you and you'd just rather not. Boundaries can be discussed.

A Limit is more absolute by our definition. A Limit is something that is completely out of the question, for whatever reason. These are things that you are not willing to discuss, debate or compromise on because you feel them that strongly. You may, if you wish, explain why (ie. Urine makes me want to throw up, I have panic attacks, etc...) but you don't have to and you shouldn't have to.

Let me repeat this: YOU DO NOT HAVE TO JUSTIFY YOUR LIMITS.

If you are playing with someone who respects you, they will respect your Limits without a long discourse on Uncle Jimmy and his bad touch, or just the fact that it squicks you and you don't know why.  If they don't respect your Boundaries and Limits, or require justifications for why they should respect them, I wouldn't Play with this person.  This, my dears, is called a RED FLAG or a warning sign and should be heeded.

Now, this is not to say that Limits, like Boundaries, do not change. You may in time decide on your own that maybe a Limit isn't as hard and fast as it used to be, that maybe it has become a Boundary now and you're willing to push at it a little to see what happens. While this needs to be your decision, it really should be discussed between the two of you before any exploration in Play. I'd be throwing in a lot of "Are you REALLY SURE?"s myself, but that's just me.

Tops have Limits and Boundaries, too. And that's ok. They can have those. They can refuse to cut you or beat you unconscious. Tops should never do anything with which they are uncomfortable, either.

Now that we know what Boundaries and Limits are, what would it mean to be a Sub without Limits?

I think a friend of mine who was attending the panel summed this up the most succinctly when she turned and asked the girl, "Oh, so you'd be ok with it if I broke your leg?"
The girl looked stunned, and said, "No!"
No? Well, then that's a Limit: No leg breaking.

Everyone has Limits. Whether its "Don't kill me" or "Don't use rabbit fur on me or I'll swell up like a balloon" or "No butt sex."

It doesn't matter what the Limit is, it must be respected. I don't care how silly, plebian, arbitrary or childish you think it is. Respect your partner(s) Limits and Boundaries. Because not doing so doesn't make you hardcore. At best, it makes you an asshole. At worst, it makes you a felon guilty of assault and/or sexual assault.

It seems that many Subs go through a phase where they want to Play as close to No Limits as they can.  I did.  Many of my friends did.  We were all lucky enough to be Playing with very ethical, trustworthy partners who had a firm grasp on reality that was eluding us at the time.  Not everyone is so lucky, as the occasional newspaper headline proves.  There are unethical, unsafe predators out there who will be more than happy to take your "No Limits Submission" at face value and hurt you badly. 

One way to beware of the predators is to get involved in your local kink community.  People in the Seattle Kink Community, at least, share information constantly, and if someone is an unsafe Play Partner, people will tell you. 

Please, remember, Safe, Sane and Consensual.  Because there's nothing sexy about winding up in jail, the hospital or the morgue. 

-Valerie