Let's talk about fantasies.  Fantasies can run the gamut from just imagining that hot guy barista feeding you peeled grapes and rubbing your feet, to down and dirty sex with a co-worker, to wondering what it would be like to tie up someone hot you can't stand and really hurting them. Just because you have evil, filthy, sexual fantasies that may involve hurting someone or doing something absolutely reprehensible, this doesn't make you a bad person.  Actually following through on them, that would make you a bad person.  But lots of people fantasize about things they would never in a million years do.  Hence, we have fiction. 

I am definitely not on board with the PC Police that everyone should only have appropriate fantasies about consensual acts with persons of a like age.  Honestly, fantasize away about anything you want, anyone you want, have at, because fantasies don't hurt people. 

Now, if you find yourself compelled to act on inappropriate fantasies, that is when you've got yourself a serious problem, and, at the very least, therapy is in order. But for most of us, a "criminal" fantasy will never be more than that, a fantasy.

Now for the biggie, the rape fantasy.  Unscrupulous and reprehensible defense attorneys have been using the results of various sex surveys (the first one being Strassberg, D. S., & Lockerd, L. K. (1998). Force in women's sexual fantasies, Archives of Sexual Behavior, 27(4), 403-414.) as proof that women want to be raped, and ergo their clients shouldn't be held accountable for doing something these women actually wanted.  First, although I'm not a Christian I firmly believe these assholes are going to Hell, and oh yes, is there a special place for them there.  Second, fantasies are not reality.  For Heaven's sake, I fantasize about all sorts of force fantasies that I'd never want to actually happen in real life.  Just like I occasionally fantasize about having a rocket launcher mounted on the front of my car.  Now, I'd never in reality take a life, but it's kind of fun to imagine rush hour traffic being exploded out of my way in very cinematic fiery doom when I'm creeping along at 5 miles an hour on the expressway.

It is entirely possible to fantasize about situations that you would find distasteful, horrifying or even terrifying in real life, and to enjoy those fantasies.  This would be why horror movies are so popular, as well as those awful torture-porn flicks like Hostel or Saw.    

So, yes, it is perfectly acceptable to fantasize about being captured by pirates, kidnapped by bikers or even lectured by actuarial accountants.  I mean, whatever floats your boat.  By the same token, it is also ok to fantasize about kidnapping that hot barista dude, tying him to your bed and making him beg you for mercy.  As I said before, it is when you start having compulsions to act out on these "inappropriate" fantasies that you're going to have problems.  If you find yourself seriously trying to figure out how to kidnap and torture someone, or if you find yourself actively placing yourself in bad situations in hopes that your fantasies might come true, find a good therapist immediately.  Please.  It is no more ok to actually hurt yourself than it is to hurt another person.

For most of us, fantasies are no more than pleasant diversions from the tedium of every day life.  And regardless of the forms these fantasies take, they are just that:  fantasies.  Fantasizing about tying up your boss and making him "take it like a man" doesn't mean you're a bad person, anymore than fantasies about taking on all comers at a Bukakke-o-rama mean you're a great big slut.  Just enjoy the movies in your head, and don't think you're sick or a monster because of them.

-Valerie