I've seen several toxic relationships break up and get back together over and over again. I wonder if maybe there is a sense of withdrawal that creates a need to be near one another despite all that is wrong in the situation.
Do you think it's possible for people to be addicted to one another?
With Curiosity...
SM
-SM
Physically addicted? No, I don't. However, you can get psychologically addicted to damn near anything on the planet.
As for these relationships, I think a big motivator in the break-up and get back together cycle in some really obviously toxic relationships is largely the comfort of the familiar.
Getting involved with new people is scary, whether it's on a platonic or sexual level. When you add new people to your mix, this generally entails learning a whole new raft of social cues and behaviors to either engage in or avoid, or even when just looking for a new person. You have to figure out what they do like, don't like, will put up with, won't put up with... New relationships with new people are actually quite a bit of work, granted, most of that is subconscious.
However, no matter how toxic an old relationship is, it's familiar and on some level feels safe. Why? Because while there may be landmines in the old relationship, at least you know where the minefield is, instead of having to map out completely unknown territory. You already know what that person likes, doesn't like, etc... Now, whether you go out of your way to push their buttons or not, is entirely up to you. And that is one of the comforting things about these toxic relationships, that they already have a level of control. They already know what's going to happen if they do X. It doesn't necessarily mean they will avoid doing X. In fact, many of these folks will deliberately do X to provoke an expected reaction.
This is also why many people who have habitually been in toxic relationships return to the same sort of person, even if it isn't the same actual person. It is familiar to them, and they know how the dance goes, for the most part.
In short, the return to destructive or toxic relationships is a return to the comfort of familiarity, whether that situation looks comfortable to us or not. They know what to expect and how to act to create situations that are familiar. Is this familiarity "good" for them? If the relationship is truly toxic, then no, probably not. Is it actually "safe?" Depending on the relationship, quite very possibly not. But there is something soothing about knowing that X will beget Y, and then being able to choose whether or not to do X.
