First, I'm incredibly flattered that you thought of me for this question. Seriously, I am.

Now, for the advice. It's going to be very similar to the advice I gave to the young lady who was wondering how to be more adventurous with her male partner: Do things that feel good when they are done to you. I find this to be the best advice for sexual activities with anyone regardless of gender. You, however, have a decided advantage in that your new partner has the same basic equipment that you have. Now, she may well not like everything that you like. Goodness knows I have had my share of girlfriends whom I've had to tell, "I know you like it, but it just doesn't trip my trigger." But on a basic level, that's a good starting place.

Also, I'm incredibly glad that you guys are talking about it, even though (or maybe especially since) it has kept the three of you at a fever pitch for some time now. Good communication is so very important. And I know that because of societal conditioning it can be very difficult to talk openly and frankly about sex. Good grief, even I have a little bit of trouble asking for things if they are outside the bounds of what we've been doing, and I'll talk about sex anywhere to anyone. And last night Mr. Strangiato and I had a long, long talk about things he's been wanting to explore but was afraid to ask for and about because he was afraid of how his wanting those things would change my perceptions of him. It didn't.

But back to the question at hand. Apart from doing what you like done to you, what other advice can I give you? Well, making sure no one feels slighted or left out. Sometimes a new partner tends to draw your attention from your existing partner and, while it can be overlooked in the early stages, can build resentment if left unchecked.

One important tip for if you haven't been with a woman for a while, if ever: Clip your nails short and make sure they're smooth. This goes for any gender. If you're worried your hands are too rough, use gloves. I prefer Nitrile, which they sell in the great big boxes at Costco. I'm also a big proponent of using lube with the gloves, because it is an entirely different sensation than just fingers, or even fingers with lube.

Also, ask if they like what you're doing. And be clear that you really want to know. I have a had a couple of cases where I didn't want to say anything about something I was less than enthused by because my partner was having such a fabulous time doing it. If you ask, it gives them permission to tell you, "Yeah, this really isn't doing it for me."

Don't feel bad if you don't want to perform oral sex on your partner right away. While performing oral sex on male partners is almost expected societally, performing oral sex on female partners (regardless of the performer's gender) still has some stigma attached. It can take time to break down that conditioning. I will tell you that it is not smelly, gross or all that hard to do if you're willing to pay attention to your partner's reactions and keep doing what she likes. If you're still worried, initiate it in the shower, or just after a romantic bath, when you know for sure she'll be clean and fresh.

Don't worry if you don't hit the right magic combination of blow your mind orgasm maneuvers right off the bat. Though, if you try things that you know that you like, pay attention to your new partner's reactions, and talk about what does and doesn't work for everyone, I'm sure you'll get there fairly soon.

I hope this helps you out. Again, I'm flattered that you came to me with such a marvelous question and I hope I could help.

-Valerie